Paying Attention on Purpose

Paying attention on purpose seems like a simple thing to do and it sounds like a very good idea. In reality, it is often something that individuals struggle with as they begin to learn the practice of mindfulness.

We learn to avoid those things in our life that are painful and uncomfortable when we are young, and we often hear people in our adult lives, even professionals, advise us to distract ourselves to cope with distress. In a society that offers us a constant stream of distractions including TV, radio, phones, and the internet, it gets harder and harder to pay attention to the present moment.

This is not a new problem, though. The 16th century poet, William Blake wrote, "All of man's problems can be traced to his inability to sit alone in a room, by himself."

John Weaver, Psy.D.

Why adhere to a practice of mindfulness?

I find it interesting that when I do regular mindfulness exercises, it is called a practice. For me, that is actually an appropriate term, because I am "practicing" a skill that I will use throughout my day.

The purpose of the mindfulness practice is to make the skill of being mindful available to me during my interactions at a meeting or as I am encountering a difficult problem, when I am relating to the people in my life who are closest to me, or even when i am making a choice about what to buy. When I am able to pay attention to what is happening in my life, right in the present moment, I am able to make decisions that are better. Living like this is clearly a better choice, but it is difficult to do. My mindfulness practice is a time when I build the skills necessary to do it better. I learn to notice the patterns of thought that I get caught in that lead me to choices that are not healthy for me, and I learn how to break that cycle and let go of bad habits so that I can choose better.

The practice is meaningless if it does not translate into the way I conduct myself throughout the day. But it is very important when I use it to get better and better at the skills of healthy thinking. We get better at what we practice.

John Weaver, Psy.D.

Times of Emotional Distress

One image that I use with my mindfulness practice is the image of being a mountain. Storms of emotion come up just like rainstorms and snowstorms come up and batter the mountain for a time. Then these storms pass on, and the mountain remains.

There are times of emotional distress that occur in everyone's life. Mindfulness is not a way of escaping this, it is a way of being aware of the emotional distress while holding it in a bigger context. The mountain does not need to flee or even be frightened by storms. Storms arise, last for a while, and then move on. The mountain is not destroyed by the storm, it is simply one of many events that occur. Emotions, like storms are constantly changing. It can be quite helpful to learn that the distress that I feel now is not a permanent condition (even though it can feel like it sometimes). It can be quite helpful to remember that there is something more stable, at a deeper level, than the painful emotions of a particular moment. Mindfulness does not prevent emotional distress, but it allows us to see it differently, in a broader context.

John Weaver, Psy.D.

The Practice of Mindfulness

One of the difficulties that I often hear about being more mindful is that the practice of meditation is time consuming. I agree. I have a busy life and it is difficult to add more into the time that I have, without making some decisions about how I choose to live my life. But that is one of the ways of being mindful. It is easy to get so caught up in my life that I just react to the circumstances without making a decision about how I spend my time. When I am attempting to live more mindfully, I am challenged to make choices about how I spend my time and whether I really want to give my time to this activity or that activity. I sometimes "waste" time on things that I do not consider to be important or helpful, so mindfulness reminds me to try to pay closer attention to it. I try to get some mindfulness practice in during the early morning hours, before my day starts. it is still quieter in my home and I got into the habit of getting up a little earlier so that I can begin my day with some practice of being mindful, which supports my awareness during the day as well. I confess I am not always perfect in this practice, but it is the most practical way I have found to develop a regular mindfulness practice. John Weaver, Psy.D.

The 3 Minute Breathing Space

Breathing is a natural response to quiet your physical body and refocus your mind. When you are under stress, your breathing becomes shallow and inefficient. When you relax you breathe more deeply.

You can capitalize on this human tendency by exercising conscious control over your breathing when you find yourself stressed during the day.

This exercise takes about 3 minutes.

Start by bringing your attention to your breath. Allow your breath to occur as it normally does but pay attention to its rhythm. Notice how the breath feels as it enters your lungs and expands your torso. Feel the breath all the way to the bottom of the lungs causing your stomach to slightly rise on the inbreath and fall back on the outbreath.

Notice 4 or 5 full breaths.

Next take some time to notice the situation you are experiencing, trying not to over-react or under-react to the circumstances. If your thinking is distorted by a fight or flight response try to notice those thoughts and remember that they are influenced by the stress you are feeling.

Let your thoughts expand to include other options beyond reactions from anger or fear. What other ways can you think about to deal with the situation? Look for a reasonable approach to deal with the situation.

Now let your attention come back to your breath again. Breathe in. Breathe out. Slow the pace of your breath if it seems to still be rapid or shallow. Follow through with the actions that you identified during the 3 minute breathing space.

The Happiness Set Point

Question: What do winners of the lottery and paraplegics have in common?


Answer: They report similar levels of happiness in their lives.

This surprising finding illustrates an important fact in our efforts to be happy: events have less power to change our perception of happiness than we might expect.

People who win large amounts of money (in excess of $1,000,000) in lotteries report that they are very happy for about six months. After that, as the newness of sudden wealth wears off, the ratings of happiness drop to levels reported prior to winning.

Those who suffer a catastrophic injury resulting in the permanent loss of ability to walk are markedly less happy in the immediate aftermath of the tragedy. Soon after, usually within the first year, these individuals recover emotionally and are about as happy as they were before this event.

Findings like these have led researchers to talk about a happiness “set point.” By that they mean that most individuals report that their level of happiness does not vary much even when significant events occur.

It is not that happiness cannot change. It can change, but only when a person changes their inner attitudes about life.

Events, positive or negative, will only exert a temporary influence on how you feel. If you want to be happier, you must learn and practice skills that will change your attitudes.

John

I recently co-authored and published a trainer manual for The Healthy Thinking Program. You can learn more about it and order your copy at http://www.preventingdepression.com/.

Happiness and Compassion

It seems like happiness should be found in those places where everything is easy and beautiful and perfect. I think about skiing down a mountain with the sun on my face and feeling the rhythm of the skis and the mountain beneath my feet. Disney creates the fantasy of a Magic Kingdom they dub “the happiest place on earth.”

So it was a surprise when psychologist Richard Davidson from the University of Madison began to examine the data he compiled from studies on Buddhist monks.

He had already uncovered data from his studies that showed positive emotions like joy, peace and contentment coincide with higher activity in the left frontal lobes of the brain.

Now he had access to a select group of Buddhist monks that were experts at meditation.

He asked them to engage in a meditation focused on developing compassion for others who suffer while he measured the responses in their brains.

The results of this research showed that the monks achieved levels of happiness that are significantly higher than any previous recordings of happiness from brain studies anywhere else in the world!

The monks were not creating a fantasy where everything was wonderful to make themselves happy. Quite the contrary, they were focusing on the very real suffering of fellow human beings, and making themselves open to the pain of others. Being open to others, and being willing to help, increased happiness.

We have learned from other studies that the most lasting happiness comes from simple acts of giving generously to other people.

So the next time you find yourself sad or afraid, rather than seeking to escape into wishing that life was different, it might be better to look for someone you can help. There is something about being able to bring kindness to another person that makes life more joyful.

John Weaver, Psy.D. is the director of The Healthy Thinking Initiative and the author of The Prevention of Depression: A Missing Piece in Wellness. Find out where Dr. Weaver is speaking at www.preventingdepression.com. Follow him on Twitter and connect through Linkedin (mention that you saw the blog) and on Facebook.